Papa Murphy’s Is Down Horrendous And The Internet Is Cooking Them Alive 💀🍕
Okay besties, we need to have a serious chat about America’s favorite "take-and-bake" pizza joint. You know the one. The spot where you walk in, grab a weirdly cold circle of dough, and then have to do all the heavy lifting yourself at home like some sort of medieval peasant. Yeah, that one.
Papa Murphy’s is officially in their flop era, and honestly? The streets are talking. Wall Street, Reddit, and your local mom’s Facebook group are all in agreement: this chain is getting absolutely bodied by the competition, and it’s lowkey sad but also kind of hilarious to watch.
Like, let’s rewind the tape for a second. Remember when Papa Murphy’s was THE move? It was 2015, you had a coupon, and you were about to smash a "Chicken Bacon Artichoke" that was literally bigger than your head. It was the vibe. It was the cheap date night special. It was the "I don't want to cook but I also don't want to pay delivery fees" energy that we all respected.
But now? The vibes are gone. The chain is getting absolutely cooked (ironically, since they refuse to do it for you), and the numbers are looking ROUGH. We’re talking same-store sales dipping harder than my balance after a DoorDash order. The stock is in the gutter. And the CEO just peaced out faster than a customer when they realize they forgot their garlic sauce.
So, what’s the actual tea? Why is Papa Murphy’s struggling harder than me trying to explain a meme to my dad? Let’s break down the lore.
**The "I Have To Do Everything Myself" Economy 💅**
Here’s the thing. Inflation is real, bestie. Gas prices are crazy. Rent is insane. And if I’m paying $20 for a pizza, I am NOT about to also preheat my oven and wait 20 minutes for it to bake. That is simply not the move in 2024.
We are living in the age of instant gratification. We want the pizza hot, we want it NOW, and we want it thrown through a window by a guy on a bike who is also delivering a venti iced caramel macchiato. Papa Murphy’s business model is literally asking me to be my own chef, and I simply do not have the energy. I am tired. I am overworked. I need that dopamine hit of a hot slice immediately.
Papa Murphy’s is stuck in 2008, but we are in the "Uber Eats brainrot" era. We have the attention span of a goldfish and the culinary ambition of a raccoon. We want the trash food, and we want it easy. Asking me to "bake it at 425 degrees for 15-18 minutes" is basically asking me to run a marathon. I’m not gonna do it.
**The "Give Me A Deal" Sabotage 🤑**
Also, can we talk about the marketing? Papa Murphy’s is constantly running "deals" that are actually just... the regular price? Like, "Family Deal: $29.99!" My brother in Christ, that is not a deal. That is a robbery with extra steps. Dominos is out here giving away pizzas for $7.99 like they are going out of style. Little Caesars is putting HOT-N-READY pizzas in my hands for five bucks. You have to go home and work for your dinner at Papa Murphy’s, and you are paying MORE for the privilege?
The math is not mathing. It’s giving "I’m delusional" vibes.
**The Ghost of Papa Murphy Himself 👻**
The weirdest part? The founder, Papa Murphy (not a real person, by the way, it’s a mashup of two guys' names, which is a whole other conspiracy), left the company years ago. And since then, it feels like the chain has been running on a broken GPS. They get bought out, they get sold, they get leveraged, and they get buried in debt.
They are trying to pivot to "digital innovation" and delivery partnerships, but it’s too little, too late. They are trying to put a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. People are not downloading the Papa Murphy’s app. There is no "Papa Murphy’s Girl" on TikTok. There is no viral sauce hack. They are just... there. Existing. In a strip mall next to a laundromat, staring at the void.
**The Reddit Roast 🔥**
The internet has officially turned on them. I saw a thread on r/pizza that was just pages and pages of people dragging them through the mud. People are complaining about the rising prices, the shrinking portions (yes, they even shrink the dough!), and the fact that the "fresh" ingredients look like they’ve been sitting in a salad bar at a gas station.
One user said, "I’d rather eat a gas station hot dog than a Papa Murphy's pizza that I have to bake myself." And honestly? I felt that in my soul. The slander is real, but it is also earned.
**The Final Hail Mary (Or Lack Thereof) 🏈**
So what’s the play here? Is Papa Murphy’s doomed? Honestly, it might be giving Blockbuster energy. They are the Blockbuster of pizza. They refuse to adapt to the streaming era of food. They think they can just coast on the nostalgia of the "take and bake" concept, but the world has moved on.
They need a rebrand. They need to get on TikTok and do some unhinged collabs. They need to put a cheese-stuffed crust in my hands that is ALREADY HOT. They need to lower the prices and accept that they are a budget option, not a premium one.
But until then, we will continue to watch them spiral. We will see them in the news cycle every few months with a "Q2 earnings miss" and we will all
Final Thoughts
Look, Papa Murphy’s isn’t dying because people stopped loving pizza—it’s dying because they stopped loving *errands*. In an era of frictionless delivery, asking a hungry customer to plan ahead, drive to a store, and then bake their own dinner is a business model that mistakes nostalgia for convenience. The real lesson here isn’t about toppings; it’s that in the modern food game, you’re not just selling a meal, you’re selling the absence of effort.